The recently officially announced Mayweather vs Pacquaio fight has already, like a well-used pick up line on Tinder, started receiving mixed feelings. Some folks are calling it the fight for a generation – two of the best non-British fighters finally going at it to see which one is the greatest in boxing – whilst others have looked on, gazing up to the snowy British skies and wondering if they really want to watch two old men well past their sell by dates fight each other. Undoubtedly this fight would have been relevant in boxing and worldwide events a few years ago (try six) but now it is clearly overshadowed by much more current fighters and topics of interest such as Tyson Fury, UKIP and Richard Blackwood starring in Eastenders.
I can’t even seem to get excited for the fight. It has been drawn out for so long I have simply lost interest. Yes for a while (years) the allure of watching these two box probably got me as excited, in a non-gay way, as potentially mounting this hot chick with pigtails and meaty thighs I knew in my teenage years. But six years is a long time to be teased and just like this former babe I held hands with both Pacquio and Mayweather have had enough of my attention for me to warrant them anymore. Like the aforementioned temptress, who now sports bingo wings, the six years have not been kind. Both pugilists are at the epiphany stage of their careers and what’s worse is they have both gotten it on, in a non-gay way, with other guys except each other, a bit like that hot babe who is now doing a bus driver called Barry from Aberystwyth. Like the effects on a woman each passing year has ravaged their bodies – the Phillipino congressman got knocked out and has seemingly lost his dynamic punching power and Mayweather has started to get hit, twice so far, and looks more vulnerable than a Cadburys Cream Egg at a weightwatchers meeting.
Undoubtedly this fight will still generate enough interest to make it a profitable decision for both blokes to finally face each other but it still falls into the category of fights that should have taken place years earlier like Lewis vs Tyson/Holyfield or Calazaghe vs Jones/Hopkins. That is of course if the fight takes place and neither fighter flakes out at the last minute leaving us all standing there wondering why we even bothered having a shower and getting our mums to iron some clothes for us to wear for that special night. I am not going to hold my breath, even though I can for over a minute if I need to, for this fight to happen because reality has not hit home and I have been disappointed too much in the past. Like that lucky Pacquiao punch which floored Hatton, and saved Manny when he was well behind on the scorecards, I simply cannot believe that the contract is signed and the ink dry.
We as real men, such as myself, simply have to face reality and take this fight for what it is. A shameless cash in on their brand names after the cows they have been milking for so long are starting to come to the end of their pasture ready for McDonalds to take them away. Much like a 24/25 year old woman looking to hop off the cock carousel and cash out with some beta male stupid enough to marry her, both these fighters (mostly Mayweather) are now guilty of doing just that. Denying what we really wanted to see years ago only to get a crappy, almost rotten version of both fighters as they are about to hit the wall and end their careers. Make no mistake about this both these fighters are shot to pieces and will simply make boxing look bad. There should be a mandatory retirement age at say 30, this way no old men are going to get hurt and we also won’t have to endure OAPs fighting each other. Basically this fight should be doing nothing more than headlining a new series of Bum Fights.
Look at the opponents out there who are deserving of a chance to be seen as the greatest fighters on the planet.
Can anyone really see either of these has-beens defeating Amir Khan? Absolutely not. The almost unbeaten Khan is making these two guys so scared they are running to fight each other rather than get an astonishing beat down at the fists of the true pound for pound King Khan. Yes, in their prime years they may have lasted four or five rounds but now I doubt they would last four or five minutes (roughly one and a half rounds). But this is modern boxing, devoid of the best vs best mentality and instead a circus full of government scale lies.
IN CLOSING
I know I am not alone in my above man-feelings regarding the announcement of this boxing contest. Time, like a nuclear blast, changes everything. The world has changed, it has moved on. Playstation 3 has been replaced by Playstation 4. 1080p looks shit in comparison to the ultra hi-def 4k. Even the world’s greatest vehicle manufacturer Land Rover is stopping production of the Defender this year after almost one hundred years to bring in a new model. Both Mayweather and Pacquiao have had their time in the sun and this is their final swansong. Both have lost that special something which we all craved to see on display against the other. It has left us with the knowledge that as boxing fans, as real men such as myself, we can simply do better. It is time to move on.
Yours in manliness,
Fantana
