By Fantana: With hugging set to be allowed to take place again in the UK from May 17, residents of this small dreary island will also have something else to look forward to in August – and not just a trip to Rhyl – a fight that has been a long time coming and one which realistically should have taken place years ago. That fight is of course, Tyson Fury vs Anthony Joshua!
Unfortunately the fight won’t take place in Britain, because that would cause too much excitement and too big of a boost for the local economies, so instead the fight shall take place in the nearest country possible – Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is illegal. This means a lot of fight fans won’t be traveling there, and not just because of costs. Big fight fans such as Graham Norton, Elton John, Andi Peters and Michael Barrymore will all be staying at home watching the fight on their massive televisions, rather than travel to Saudi Arabia where homosexuality is illegal.
Obviously both fighters really badly wanted the fight to take place on these shores, probably in Wales, the greatest country in the world. We all know how patriotic Anthony Joshua the Watford native is, loving it that much he has ‘Watford’ tattooed on his shoulder. Everyone in the UK loves Anthony Joshua, from his convincing win in the 2012 Olympics to the time he beat a Klitschko and even still today. He gets so much love from Brits, especially when he is taking part and speaking at riots, that you cannot find anyone to say a bad word about him – ever. Boris Johnson needs his media team to work for him so he could get some love off the vaccinated masses.
Anthony Joshua is the face of Lynx in the UK and is especially loved for his google adverts where he says “support local businesses you love, with a little help from google”. This fight is massive, and the influx of tourists leading up to fight week would have given a much-needed boost to local shops, bars, restaurants, hotels, food stalls etc, the list is endless! Absolutely everyone in that area would have benefitted immensely from this fight, the first time ever two British heavyweight world title holders are fighting each other – which is a great reason for the fight to take place in Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is illegal. Support local businesses says Anthony Joshua, the British legend. Instead he chooses to support Crate, Grey Collective Store and Hub 27.1, which are only 3,857 miles from Watford. To be fair all are easy to get to quickly – so long as you have the millennium falcon at your disposal.
Supporter of local businesses Anthony Joshua is of course familiar with boxing in Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is illegal, as this is where the rematch with the most embarrassing world heavyweight title holder ever took place. One of the big reasons that fight was staged in Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is illegal, is because Anthony Joshua is a massive Star Wars fan and Eddie Hearn promised him if the fight was held there he’d see a Jeddah night with his own eyes. It’s reported that Anthony Joshua, who staunchly supports local businesses, immediately replied “Where do I sign?” The reason the Fury fight won’t be taking place in Britain is however a little bit more complex. Obviously Anthony Joshua is thinking of helping out local Arabian airlines, who have been struggling with the pandemic and loss of revenue, and for that he must be applauded.
Lineal and WBC heavyweight king Tyson Fury is known as being a gentleman who likes to indulge with the odd pint or twelve. Unfortunately for him and his massive fan base who are like minded when it comes to alcohol, booze is in fact prohibited in Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is illegal. This means no pint of Guinness to celebrate what will surely be an easy and convincing win against AJ, lest there be a public flogging and deportation afterwards. Post-fight interview comments for the winner like “we’ll be cracking open the champagne” would do well to be avoided as this could lead to isolated time in a cell whilst waiting for Dominic Raab to negotiate your safe passage home. Unconfirmed reports also suggest that alcohol would be allowed at Wembley which is local to Anthony Joshua, who loves to support local businesses. We would expect the PPV price to be at least 25 quid, which would roughly be the equivalent of two pints of lager in England’s capital.
So, whilst we await for the official reveal for what is surely going to be a magnificent spectacle of entertainment in Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is illegal, we can all be assured that this fight will bring both boxers massive amounts of dosh and help support what is dear to Anthony Joshua’s heart, local businesses.
Yours in manliness,
Fantana
About the author: Fantana is enjoying watching the Anthony Joshua adverts which can be seen on youtube via the the following link https://youtu.be/mCVP0j9sypY
