16.05.05 – By Matthew Hurley: When she crossed her tanned legs my mind snapped back into coherency and I started writing again. I write all my articles longhand, usually in bars but sometimes on the subway and this morning, making my daily trek into Boston on the Red Line, I found myself at a loss as to what to write about the upcoming bout between Andrew Golota and Lamon Brewster.. There were two reasons for this: one, the stunning beauty in the tight black skirt sitting directly across from me, and two, I don’t really give a sh*t about this fight. And if you do care about this farce, you’re not going to get much out of this article. Although I will from time to time mention the legs on this woman because believe me, they deserve a round of applause.
So Andrew Golota is getting yet another chance to win a heavyweight title belt. That makes, what? his fourth chance and three consecutive shots at was once sports most prestigious prize? Don King must desperately want a white man atop the shaky heavyweight throne if this is the crap he’s slinging us.
I mean, isn’t this the same Golota who twice got disqualified for hitting Riddick Bowe low? Isn’t this the same Golota who was so petrified against Lennox Lewis that he was knocked out in mere seconds? Isn’t this the same Golota who quit against Michael Grant? Isn’t this the same Golota who literally ran out of the ring in fear of a shopworn Mike Tyson?
Yes, it is. It’s the same guy.
It was at this point as I was trying to write about this fight that I once again lost my train of thought because my eyes left the page of my notebook and fastened themselves upon the calves of that woman I was telling you about. She must go to one of those tanning salons because her legs were richly brown and summer hasn’t hit yet in Boston. In fact the weather has been miserable. Maybe she went on a vacation to some island. Or maybe..
Sorry, back to the fight.
Well, Golota did recently hang close with belt holders Chris Byrd and John Ruiz so what the hell, let’s give this perennial loser another shot and another pay check. It is the heavyweight division after all and, at the very least, he might get so flustered against WBO champion Brewster that he completely gives up and somehow knocks himself out. Or maybe he will pull an Elija Tillery (remember him?) and start kicking Brewster until someone pulls him out of the ring ala Rock Newman (remember him?) Whatever happens, Don King will say, “Only in America!” and stick this colossal waste of talent back in the ring with John Ruiz. Win or lose Golota will fight Ruiz next, mark my words, because no one in his right mind would want to get in the ring with Ruiz because the ‘Quietman’ never loses. Even when he does lose he somehow ends up with a victory. Only a nut job would fight him. Well, Golota is a proven mental case, in my opinion. These two ridiculous heavyweights deserve each other. It makes me pine for the era of Greg Page and Tony Tubbs.
Page and Tubbs? Did I just say that? Let me stare at those legs again for a moment to clear my head.
Lest you think my cynicism has gotten the better of me let me remind you that three, count’em THREE, of the most naturally gifted heavyweight belt holders of the last four years all started their careers at middleweight. Chris Byrd, Roy Jones and James Toney all started out at 160 pounds. All three eventually realized how pathetically easy it could be to win a belt at heavyweight and moved up. It speaks volumes that two of them beat the same guy to get their gold – John Ruiz. And because Toney is so stupidly arrogant as to simply allegedly allow a proof positive post fight drug test, Ruiz is champion yet again. See, he never loses!
Oh yeah, this Saturday’s “title” fight between Brewster and Golota. To be honest, I couldn’t care less. Once again I’m transfixed by the gams on this unbelievable woman. But in all honesty I don’t care about this fight and that makes me a bit sad. It is a title bout at heavyweight for chrissakes; but this is how far that title has fallen. There once was a day when I wouldn’t even notice the ring card girls during a heavyweight title bout. Well, as Bob Dylan sang in a recent song, “I used to care, but things have changed.”
In fact I’d rather HBO put on an hour of those scantily clad ring card girls just walking around in circles. And if their legs are half as fine as the woman’s who has so distracted me as I write this, I’ll shell out fifty bucks. It would certainly be better than Lamon Brewster and Andrew Golota.