By Fantana – The seconds were ticking away in the twelfth and final round, a dreaded sense of sadness swept over me as I believed I was witnessing the final moments of Audley Harrisons professional boxing career. However…somewhere deep inside Audley Harrison a spark still flickered within the echelons of his very existence he found what many believed he possessed but had all too rarely been evident in his prize fighting career, that winner’s mentality. With a devastating swing of his still good left arm he punched Michael Sprott in the jaw region and rendered him unconscious, sprawled out on the canvas in a momentous occasion not just for Audley Harrison or his fans, but for the boxing world. Why? Because that single punch has landed him the fight he has talked about for years, his title shot, one he says he is going to take with both hands, no pun intended..
It isn’t just any old title shot, either. Not one of those boring match ups between a far too dominant champion against some fringe contender whose own mother has a hard time naming. It is a title shot where the champion is a household name, and more importantly, a rival. A British rival. A spectacle has been created with genuine bad blood and history between two heavyweights who are loved or loathed in equal measure. The purpose of this article is not to go over old ground, not to decipher and analyse the fight and the likely outcome, but to summarize why Audley Harrison becoming the new WBA Heavyweight Champion of the World will be good for boxing, and great for British boxing.
1) Audley Harrison is THE biggest name in the fight
Let us hold no delusions as to the renown of Audley Harrison, he is so well known in Britain his name is used by the average Brit four times per day, maybe for the wrong reasons. Ask anyone in the street to name a heavyweight boxer from England, Audley Harrison crops up. When using a metaphor for feeling tired a modern English gentleman frequently utters “I feel like I have just done ten rounds with Audley Harrison”, or some witty scouser will say “I feel like I have just watched ten rounds of Audley Harrison”.
EVERYONE in Great Britain knows who he is because he got so much TV coverage during the Olympics and in the early parts of his career when he was shown on terrestrial television. WWE Superstar The Big Show, who got battered by Money Mayweather, knows who Audley Harrison is BECAUSE he won Olympic Gold, but he didn’t seem to know who David Haye was.
When you talk to people about the Klitschkos, who aren’t die hard boxing fans, people get them confused, if they have even heard of them, they’re unsure which one is which. People in England very often cannot even pronounce Klitschko, so they just call them the Borat brothers. Generally people don’t know which Klitschko battled Lennox Lewis, Herbie Hide or Danny Williams. It was Vitali, in case you also got mixed up, it happens. The bottom line is, Audley Harrison is a household name, a public figure, he is the biggest name in Heavyweight boxing right now, period.
CONCLUSION – IF AUDLEY HARRISON WINS PEOPLE WILL FINALLY KNOW WHO THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD IS
2) People want him to win on November 13th
The main reason an overwhelming majority of real men, such as myself, want Audley Harrison to win come November is because he isn’t as big as a twat as David Haye. Nobody questions his mettle after he endured injury in the Sprott fight to end it with a brutal one punch knockout. “Audley has balls” people said, he endeared himself to the peoples of Britain once again with his display of awkward toughness, a true British trait.
On the other hand, I am not picking on David Haye because he always deletes my messages from his myspace page, but some people don’t like his attitude. David Haye has not had to overcome the adversity Audley Harrison has in his illustrious career, and the guy talks about retiring at 31 and lives in Cyrpus! It annoys people, especially since its always cold and bloody raining in England. When David Haye spouts his mouth in an arrogant manner, then doesn’t fight for months on end, it alienates him from boxing fans and because of this he deserves to be beaten. The way he has ridiculed Audley Harrison, but still given him a shot at the title, has made David Haye the villain in this fight, no question. For what its worth, David Haye is seen as overly arrogant, whilst Audley has that steaming, silent demur about him, like James Bond, he has a truly British attitude.
CONCLUSION – AUDLEY HARRISON WILL BECOME SO POPULAR IF HE DEFEATS DAVID HAYE, AS MOST PEOPLE WANT, THAT BOXING WILL BECOME MAINSTREAM ONCE AGAIN
3) He has a Champions name
Let’s take a look at some past heavyweight champions, we have Cassius Clay, Lennox Claudius Lewis, Evander Holyfield and Riddick Bowe. Pretty cool names I think you will agree. Then we have David Haye, a man whose name is so boring the only nickname he could come up with is “Hayemaker” and the only other thing that rhymes with Haye are three letter words and innuendos. Now, Audley Harrison on the other hand, it’s a pretty unique and flamboyant name, right up there with Floyd Mayweather and Tocker Pudwill. His name just oozes the three essential Cs, confidence, charisma and charm. With a name like Audley Harrison no wonder he won Olympic gold, he could be a comic book hero with a title like “Adventures of the Amazing Audley ‘A-Force’ Harrison”. Whereas David Haye sounds like it belongs to a bloke who works at Spar, not the heavyweight champion of the world.
CONCLUSION – AUDLEY HARRISON IS A STRONG AND POWERFUL NAME, AND EASY TO PRONOUNCE AS IT JUST ROLLS OFF THE TONGUE, IN A NON-GAY WAY, THIS IS ESSENTIAL FOR THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
4) Size matters
“A good big man beats a good little man” is the age old saying which has been used as a rule of thumb when predicting a certain boxer’s chances against another. Many people believe David Haye is simply too small to trouble either Klitschko brother, and that even with his blistering hand speed and punch power he wouldn’t be able to land a fight ending shot, even in the rounds where he isn’t gasping for breath like a dying hamster. Enter Audley Harrison, a big man who stands at 6 feet 6 inches, or taller if he has thick socks on, and weighs 250 brutal, bone crunching pounds of pure heavyweight menace.
Who else is there out there that could realistically beat a Klitschko brother? They are either too short (Chambers, Chagaev), too fat (Arreola, also Chambers), too old (Rahman, Toney), too inexperienced (Povetkin), retired (Lennox Lewis) or outright dodged (John Ruiz). Audley Harrison has the size, power, skills and perhaps most importantly the willingness to fight for a title. Do you think Audley Harrison would have turned down a shot to punch Wladimir Klitschko in the face and take his titles from him, or a chance at finally stopping the slowing Vitali?
CONCLUSION – AUDLEY HARRISON IS A REAL HEAVYWEIGHT, BIG, STRONG WITH GREAT ABS AND PECS, HE IS WHAT A HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SHOULD LOOK LIKE (except that time he sported an afro, that was shit)
5) Charisma
David Haye is charismatic, my goodness, he can really talk the talk, rumour has it that he even talks in his sleep. Put a microphone in front of Audley Harrison and your notepad for quotes will think it’s Christmas, he does all this without constantly swearing and using vulgar language, too.
If you have seen the pair of them on TV recently, you will probably have heard that Audley even had a poem for David Haye “Not blaggin’, not boastin’, on november 13th David Haye is gonna get a roastin.” Haye is a plucky guy, saying “The only person getting slapped is me on my back by the referee congratulating me.” Pretty good stuff, and a champion who can talk the talk is always a bonus, it excites the public, in a non-gay way.
In terms of talking, it is a dead heat between the two. But Audley Harrison has a stronger back story than David Haye. Rocky Balboa certainly wasn’t loved because of his acting, but for the shit he went through, he kept going when he should have stopped, but prevailing in the end, just like Audley Harrison. With his story and ability to chew the fat, Audley Harrison will be able to go on TV shows and promote boxing to a new audience, even your Mum will love WBA Heavyweight Champion Audley Harrison.
CONCLUSION – MOHAMMED ALI WAS SO POPULAR BECAUSE HE WAS A GOOD TALKER, AUDLEY HARRISON HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING MORE PEOPLE INTO BOXING THAN DAVID HAYE OR THE KLITSCHKOS. PLUS HE RARELY USES THE WORD ARSE, UNLIKE DAVID HAYE
In Closing
With all of the above points considered, how can Audley Harrison beating David Haye NOT be good for boxing? If I had to pick a film which most closely related to this fight, it would be Disney’s “The Lion King”. Audley Harrison would be Simba, and Scarface would of course be David Haye. The film has an uncanny resemblance to the Audley Harrison show, where he was on the brink of retirement whilst his former friend and padawan David Haye hogged the glory and limelight and called him names whenever his name popped up as a potential challenger to his crown. The rift between them grew large, now the stage is set for the showdown.
Audley Harrison could be the next, and best, Cinderella story in boxing. There is always a sense of satisfaction when the underdog wins, it has a certain quaint which real men, such as myself, can relate to. They capture the imagination of young and old alike, and throughout history stories of valour pop up where the little guy beats the big guy senseless, sometimes even with a stick. BEST OF ENEMIES could produce another one of those happy endings, even if the little guy is much bigger than the baddy, in this instance David Haye. Will Cinderella find her shoe in time for the ball? On November 13th we will find out. I will be there, cheering Audley on, in a non-gay way.
Yours in manliness,
Fantana