by Steve Adamczyk ©2011 – We hear people complain about catch-weights, too many divisions, the plethora of sanctioning bodies, inadequate or corrupt judges, and the list goes on. Many of them opine that we should go back to the original eight weight divisions with only one, undisputed, champion in each. Eight divisions, eight champs, eight belts for the entire world. I believe these people are short sighted. Regressive thinking like this will kill off the sport faster than one can say Super Junior Light Middleweight. Instead we need more, more of everything. More is always better. Always. Just have a look at super-sized fast food meals.
Below I have outlined my plan for making boxing all it should be. Read it carefully and I’m sure you will agree.
WEIGHT DIVISIONS Currently we have far too few weight divisions. I mean to say that these 17 divisions span an incredible seven or eight pounds each. To address this I have come up with the only viable solution. From 106 pounds all the way up to 260 pounds we should have a separate division for each and every pound. That’s right, 154 separate divisions. It’s only logical. The names for these divisions may get a little awkward at first. Carlos Tanaka Goldstein? Oh, he fights in the Super Super Once-Removed Junior Light Welterweight Division… that’s right, at exactly 141 pounds.
Catch-weights would still exist but only within that one-pound division. The pugilist in the example above could fight in any of the ten Micro Divisions within that one pound. If Carlos came in at 141.3 then his rightful description would be Super Super Once-Removed Junior Light Welterweight Micro-Three Division.
SANCTIONING BODIES No one knows for sure just how many sanctioning bodies are out there now but we will all agree there are too few. Far too few. There are about 195 countries in the world; each should have it’s own sanctioning organization. Add the ones we currently have, throw in a few more for good measure and we come up with 250 separate and distinct entities, each and every one capable (and rightfully so) of determining a “world” champion in every weight class. This is the way it should be. Besides, this would help use up all the letters of the alphabet – many currently go to waste.
JUDGES We would do well to be rid of these useless folk. Since they are all paid by the promoters just having them there is presently a moot point at best. Instead allow the fighters themselves to determine who won the match. After the final bell a selected panel (possibly the panelists from American Idol) would listen to the boxers each describe how they won the bout. By patiently listening to the trash talk, posturing, and the inevitable “oh yeah?” factor the panel would award the decision based on trash talk originality..
THE MATH When we multiply the 154 new weight divisions by the ten Micro Divisions and multiply once again by the total new sanctioning bodies we quickly see that we have a potential for 385,000 world champs! Just think of that! Imagine the jobs that would be created just to keep up with belt manufacturing! On a full ten-fight card a forklift would be needed to bring all the belts into the arena. Think of the trash talking: “Oh yeah? Come up from your 161.8 to my 162.2 and we’ll see what’s what, you chump.” Every single bout ever held under my exciting new plan would be for a World Championship! Think of it!
[Writer Steve Adamczyk is old-school and longs for the 8-8-8 days again: eight divisions, eight belts, eight champions. Period. Those were the days when the term “world champion” meant something.]