By Fantana: Firstly, I do not consider myself a writer, I am an artist. I am an artist who writes. As a writer, I mean artist, I am able to see through the veil of illusion to view the unmistakable beauty that lies underneath largely unforeseen by standard issue human eyes. Such beauty was to be seen in abundance as David Haye battled a Klitschko last Saturday night in Hamburg. As the scores were read out I was celebrating, totally sure the large winning margin was in the Brits favour.
When it was revealed to me that Haye had been on the wrong end of a terrible decision I was understandably distraught. How could the judges scores have been so terribly inaccurate? What made matters worse was that a large portion of people agreed with the judges. Indeed, if one were to read over a few articles detailing the fight you will no doubt get the feeling David Haye lost. But he didn’t, and if you care to read on I will outline why, but be warned :- this is an article which has had to be postponed in its release because of the sheer volume of research that has gone into it. I pull no punches in exposing the terrible decision which saw Haye robbed of his victory and place in history. Out of respect for David Haye, his little toe, and his father Levi Roots I have held back my work until the right time to release it onto the general public, which I feel is now.
Punch Stats
Whilst watching the fight I fully believed that whilst the Klitschko threw some punches David Haye threw more. Whilst whichever Klitschko it was he was boxing landed some punches, David Haye landed the better blows. I decided to check out the punch stats to reveal some more information to this ludicrous boxing decision. Interestingly I couldn’t find any unbiased punch stats, but then I realized whatever the stats said it doesn’t tell the full story, much like a speeding fine. Whilst Haye has taken a lot of abuse in the post-fight reports the Klitschko seems to have gotten off lightly. Why? He didn’t do anything. At least Haye, with his broken toe, moved around and made an effort. Some say Haye looked scared, but that Klitschko was terrified. He was so scared he kept punching Haye in the face with his jab to keep him from punching him back. Everytime Haye had him on the inside, in a non-gay way, the Klitschko would lean on him and push the peoples champion down onto the floor, which is cheating and horrid. I can’t for the life of me give that Klitschko more than two rounds in the entire fight, and even then I am being too generous. So I have had to explore further to try and find out if there were other forces at work that night to steal the title from Britain’s finest bloke, David Haye.
Fear
The more I delve into the inner workings of the subconscious mind, the more I come to appreciate the fragility of standard issue humans. They are not strong like real men, such as myself, and often lie about their achievements to others, something I hardly ever do. This is my basis to why that Klitschko was given the win, even though he down right did nothing but cheat, even back handed Haye in several instances throughout the fight of the century. Fear comes largely from the unknown, or as the popular saying goes ‘False evidence appearing real’. The whole world, except for Great Britain, fears David Haye. How can a guy who isn’t six foot four or more be so sure of himself? David Haye, even with a totally broken toe, stood up against tyranny in the shape of a giant man, a Klitschko, and said ‘I can conquer this man!’ We Britain’s felt proud, proud that a man who lives in a mansion in Cyprus, where it is always sunny and warm and free of crime, calls himself a Brit. He fights in Britain for this great nation, for the people and absolutely not for financial gain. We almost rallied to the point of retaking such great countries as Wales, but then Haye was robbed and our hearts and souls crushed. I firmly believe that it was fear, fear of an exciting, younger, better looking and much shorter heavyweight emerging as a champion that swayed the judges to favour the familiar Klitschko. A champion who doesn’t challenge the status quo. What would Ali have made of this disgraceful judging atrocity had he been around to see it?
Why didn’t Haye knock him out?
This is perhaps the most perplexing question of them all, but one in which I am happy to ask myself and also answer. The simple riposte is this – it would have been too easy for David Haye to go out there and just obliterate the Klitschko he was facing, the one which is known to have a glass jaw. All it would entail would be for David Haye to go in the ring, get past all of Klitschko’s defences such as that long jab, superior strength and what not, be able to withstand any incoming fire power and then land enough sufficient force onto his jaw to render him unconscious. The long answer is as follows – David Haye wanted to put on a memorable show for the world to see in which he carefully dissected the big, safety first WB-whatever champion. To do this he had to overcome his severely buggered toe, which obviously needed medical attention. How did he injure his toe? I have three possible conclusions:-
A) He dropped something on it
B) Someone else dropped an object onto his toe (probably a German)
C) He was born with a gubbed toe but only recently realized it was buggered and needed looking after
Obviously, had David been blessed that night in Hamburg with a fully functioning little toe, essential for punching power, he would have performed much better then the memorable performance he put on. Probably a good six or seven percent better, but this is just speculation based on loose calculations and algebra. What we can be certain of though is that an injured David Haye outboxed a Klitschko and was robbed of the decision he deserved.
In Closing
Should there be a rematch? Most definitely. But let us have the rematch in this very great country, Great Britain, the nation which gave the world cups of tea, Land Rovers and of course pickled onion Monster Munch. David Haye would perform better in his birth land, in a Boris Becker free crowd with a proper referee. The home advantage would be his and while we’re at it why don’t we go ahead and put a slip resistant canvas on the ring, or hold the fight in doors like civilized people. Since David Haye has to retire this October, before he turns old and possibly into stone when the clock strikes twelve to mark his 31st birthday, wouldn’t it be great if he could mark it properly with the belts and recognition that are rightfully his? The answer is of course a resounding yes. I predict that if Haye and a Klitschko were to meet again in the ring, Haye would win in the first round, via knockout.
Yours in manliness,
Fantana
About the author – Fantana is thankful he has both little toes fully functional